On 12 May 2017, at 07:53, Patrick Koppenburg <patrick.koppenburg@cern.ch> wrote:

Dear Tjeerd, all,

I have been de-assigned from being EB reader of this paper to solve agenda issues. I thus read the 1st circulation draft. Here are my comments.

On 08/05/17 15:34, Tjeerd Ketel wrote:

LHCb-2017-010-tjeerd.com

Abstract:
Remove "prior to the forthcoming Daliz plot analyses with Run I data sample"
after "Updated branching ... are also presented,"
Normally, we only give an abstract on what is presented in the paper.

Line 39:
Replace "They will benefit of the" by "We will benefit from".
We will analyze the data, so we will benefit.
"Benefit of" is used with a noun. "Benefit from" is used with a verb.

Line 174,175:
"Events" and "candidates" are not well defined.
Probably, they are "triggered events" and "B candidates".
It is not made clear why the other candidates are not retained.

Indeed it would be good to add \B before candidates. Removing multiples is an accepted strategy to avoid double counting. But this has a final-state-dependent efficiency that does not necessarily cancels in ratios of BF. A systematic must be assigned following the recommendations of https://arxiv.org/abs/1703.01128

Figure 2:
The caption is a repetition of that of figure 1.
After its correction mention only the part that is different
and refer to the caption of figure 1 for the rest.

Line 387:
Replace "their former determinations" by "our former publication".
Reverse "supersede" and "are in good agreement with".

Line 392:
Replace "confidence belts" by confidence contours".

Line 309:
Replace "will follow from and benefit of the" by
"will benefit from the".

Further comments:

Physics:
- Your three Bs decay decay modes are not flavour-specific. You must thus say which lifetime was used to determine the efficiency and how it varies under the BsH and BsL assumptions.
- L.339: How do you estimate? You run toys (good) or you just take the difference between central values using various binnings (bad)?

General:
- are your caption font sizes those of the template? They look smaller.

L.4:move the footnote elsewhere or put it in the main text.
L.9-10: sounds like "we have desperately looked for a justification". Rather write: "These decays can be used to determine several angles of the CKM unitarity triangles", or so.
L.23: no period after phi
L.30: extraction -> determination
L.93: remove either "both" or "also"
L.155: which muons? You need to define what \cquark{}\cquarkbar is. Here you probably mean one of the few charmonium resonances decaying occasionally to dimuons. Be explicit.
L.162: ... but here ccbar is more general as you also allow for rare decays J/psi->pipi and KK.
L.211: B+, B0 or Bs
L.218: between 20 and 100%.
Table 1-3 could go to the appendix.
Fig.1-2: The pdfs are meaningless below 1 and probably wrong as well (tails are not well described). We suggest to cut the log plots at h->SetMinimum(0.5). There is too much space above the caption. Caption: candidate events -> candidates
Table 4 is small. Use \frac{}{} to make the ratios shorter. \dots -> -- (for fs/fd)
L.356: error -> uncertainty
L.385: why the large spaces before stat and syst in the 3rd ratio?
L.389: why refer to 2012 PDG?
L.390: suddenly "we"
[8 and 10" Inconsistent typeset of Belle
[30] Use 2016
[41] what is \o{e}lax? While this web page is indeed public it does not provide understandable information for non-LHCb members. Why not cite the tracking DP paper?

Cheers,

Patrick

 On Maandag 1 Mei 2017 16:33 CEST, Gerco Onderwater <c.j.g.onderwater@rug.nl> wrote:
 

Dear all,

I just discovered that Groningen (and hence Nikhef) is assigned the review of the draft below. As there will no bfys meeting between now and the deadline, I propose that I collect your comments and send them in.

Greetings,

Gerco

Begin forwarded message:

From: Fergus Wilson <Fergus.Wilson@stfc.ac.uk>
Subject: First circulation of publication draft for PAPER-2017-010, Search for the decay $B^0_s \to K^0_S K^+ K^-$
Date: 28 April 2017 at 13:25:13 GMT+2
To: "lhcb-general (LHCb General mailing list)" <lhcb-general@cern.ch>
Cc: "LHCb-PAPER-2017-010-reviewers (LHCb-PAPER-2017-010-reviewers)" <LHCb-PAPER-2017-010-reviewers@cern.ch>
Resent-From: <c.onderwater@cern.ch>

Dear Colleagues,

A draft paper is available for your comments.

Team leaders, verify the author list and check for reading obligations of your group!

Title           : Search for the decay $B^0_s \to K^0_S K^+ K^-$

Journal         : JHEP
Contact authors : Louis_Henry, Christos_Hadjivasiliou
Reviewers       : Bernardo_Adeva (chair), Alberto_Lusiani
EB reviewer     : Alberto_Correa_dos_Reis
EB readers      : Mike_WIlliams, Patrick_Koppenburg
Analysis note   : ANA-2014-043
Deadline        : 12-May-2017
e-group         : lhcb-paper-2017-010-reviewers
Link            : https://cds.cern.ch/record/2261508
Authors         : LHCb
Twiki           : https://twiki.cern.ch/twiki/bin/view/LHCbPhysics/B2KshhBFAnalysis

The following institutes are requested to make institutional comments:
Roma_Tor_Vergata__Roma__Italy
Groningen__The_Netherlands
Bucharest-Magurele__Romania
Padova__Italy
Maryland__United_States
Tsinghua_University__Beijing__China

Please send any comments via the CDS system. It is the responsibility
of the contact authors to provide replies to all comments
made. Subsequent modifications to the draft will be made in
consultation with the reviewers and during the EB reading. Following
this, there will be a final meeting of the editorial board, with
contact authors and reviewers present, when final decisions will be
made. As the last step, the collaboration will be given a final
opportunity to comment during a 'silent approval' period.

You can find all paper and conference report drafts open for comments
via the EB web-page, by clicking on Current Drafts:

http://lhcb.web.cern.ch/lhcb/lhcb_page/collaboration/organization/editorial_board/default.html

Best regards,
 Fergus

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fergus Wilson, PPD, Rutherford Appleton Laboratory, Harwell Campus, Didcot,
Oxon, OX11 0QX, UK. Tel: +44-(0)1235 445259  Fax: +44-(0)1235 445672
CERN Tel: +41-22 76 77379 Skype: ferguswilson5259

- Gerco

Dr. C.J.G. Onderwater
Van Swinderen Institute
University of Groningen
Nijenborgh 4
NL-9747 AG Groningen
the Netherlands
Tel. +31(0)50-3633557 / 8774

       
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